


The Little Corporal Remix (Blown Apart Edition)

by QueenThayet



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Fluff, Humour, M/M, Rated T for swears, Remix, no parrots were harmed in the making of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:59:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15654357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenThayet/pseuds/QueenThayet
Summary: Eames and his parrot have a plan to meet the neighbor with the tight trousers





	The Little Corporal Remix (Blown Apart Edition)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brookebond](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookebond/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Little Corporal](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11003928) by [brookebond](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookebond/pseuds/brookebond). 



> Thank you to Brooke for writing this hilarious and adorable fic for me to remix. Of course I had to “blow apart” the idea that Arthur was the only creepy stalker at the beginning of their relationship. Eh, eh? XD 
> 
> Thank you also to (ANONYMOUS) for beta-ing for me. This fic is much better than it would have been otherwise, never mind the comma errors. Any remaining errors are my own, or are because I'm stubborn.

Eames hadn’t originally intended to use his bird to help him get dates, but after it had happened accidentally, he certainly wasn’t going to let the opportunity go to waste. The benefit of having a macaw was that they were loud, so if Eames let him fly off, he wasn’t generally that difficult to track down. Also most macaws didn’t swear quite as much as Napoleon. 

Eames heard his neighbor, the one with the well-fitted trousers, at the sink, probably preparing dinner. 

“What do you think?” He asked Napoleon conspiratorially. The bird gave him a judgmental look. “Come on, mate, just a little nibble?” Napoleon rolled his head, but obediently flew out the window. Eames waited about fifteen minutes before heading out to knock on his neighbor’s door. He checked his reflection in the mirror before he left: shirtless, tattoos and muscles on full display, and a cap. Well, he’d never claimed to be subtle. 

His neighbor opened it immediately even though he was holding a phone to his ear. He was a delectable sight, tight trousers and a singlet covered by an apron. Eames looked past and saw a dress shirt draped over a chair. Eames dragged his eyes back to the man in front of him. 

“Ah, sorry, darling, for disturbing you,” Eames said, dialing up the charm. “I was just wondering if you’ve seen Napoleon.” 

“Who?” The neighbor blinked. 

“Oh, um, a blue and gold macaw. He flew out the window, little blighter.” 

“It’s over there,” the neighbor said, nodding his head toward the kitchen as he hung up the phone he was holding without saying goodbye. Eames grinned. This was going very well. The neighbor gestured for him to come inside. 

“I’ve talked about this with him, but he never seems to listen,” Eames said as he followed the neighbor into his apartment. “I’m Eames, sorry, I should have said before,” he said, grinning as he walked over to Napoleon. 

“Arthur,” the neighbor responded. Eames wasn’t looking at him, but he knew when he was being checked out. So far, so good. The neighbor –Arthur—was definitely interested in him, and didn’t seem too annoyed by the parrot or his sudden intrusion. Arthur had even let Napoleon play in the water. 

“Napoleon, mate, what did we say about leaving the flat?” Eames asked his bird as he turned off the tap. “Have you been using up all of darling Arthur’s water?”

“No,” Napoleon responded, obediently hopping onto his arm. Eames petted his cheek before nudging him further up onto his shoulder. 

“I thought we talked about lying,” Eames joked, tilting his head toward Napoleon affectionately. “I was so worried about you; you could’ve been anywhere.” 

“What?” Napoleon screeched back at him. 

“Well I’m glad you’re safe,” Eames rolled his eyes as he reached up to scratch the bird’s head again. This time Napoleon playfully nipped his finger. Eames grinned again. He really was a good bird. And now it was time to seal the deal. 

“Thank you, we should get back, though,” Eames said, turning his smile on Arthur.

“No,” Napoleon said, trying to walk back down to the sink. 

“And where do you think you’re going?” Eames scolded playfully, trying to push Napoleon back up his shoulder without getting clawed. Arthur laughed at that, finally. It was a nice laugh, not quite as nervous as he had seemed so far. Eames looked up at him, his eyes twinkling as if they were sharing a joke. 

“Thank you for finding him,” Eames said, prolonging the goodbye, waiting to see if Arthur was going to make a move or if he’d have to. 

“I didn’t find him so much as he intruded,” Arthur said, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck and blushing. 

“Is that right?” Eames asked Napoleon, who was currently nuzzling his ear. 

“No,” Napoleon said, which made Eames chuckle. 

“Cheeky sod.” Eames teased. Okay, well, it looked like Eames was going to have to make the first move with how shy Arthur was. He’d offer to take him for a drink? Maybe dinner? As a thank you. 

“Would you like a coffee?” Arthur suddenly blurted out, as Eames was formulating his invitation.

“Do you have any tea?” Eames replied, although he was hoping Arthur meant coffee as an innuendo, or at least a prelude to other activities, rather than an end in and of itself. 

“I think I’ve got something,” Arthur said. 

“Then we’d love to stay, wouldn’t we, Napoleon,” Eames responded, pleased that once again, his bird had helped him pick up a hot guy. 

“Fuck!” Napoleon announced loudly. 

“Well that’s moving a little fast, I think,” Eames teased the bird, watching Arthur out of the corner of his eye. Arthur blushed a deep, dark red. Eames wondered how far down it went. 

“Does he, uh, does he really know what he’s saying?” Arthur asked as motioned to Eames to sit down at the table while he looked through his cupboard, presumably for tea. 

“He’s got some associations between words and things just through repetition, but he doesn’t understand what ‘fuck’ means, no,” Eames responded, turning his head to let Napoleon give him kisses. 

“He’s so affectionate; I didn’t realize birds were like that,” Arthur said as he brought a selection of three individually wrapped teabags (of varying brand and age) over to Eames. “Sorry, I, uh, don’t really drink a lot of tea in the summer. Or ever.” 

“That’s all right,” Eames said “I’m not too picky as long as you’ve got a proper kettle.” 

“Um, I’m going to guess microwaving a mug of water doesn’t count as a proper kettle?” 

“Arthur, darling, you are too attractive to devastate me in this manner.” Eames said with a hand over his heart. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll--wait, I’m what?”

“I insist that you come with me to my flat so I can teach you to make a proper cuppa,” Eames went on grandly. 

“Okay,” Arthur said, taking off his apron. 

“Really?” Eames asked. 

“No.” Napoleon declared. 

“Shush, you,” Eames told the bird fondly. 

“Sure, I mean, if you want me to learn how to make you tea, that means you want to see me again in the future. And I definitely want to see you again. So I’d better learn how to make tea,” Arthur said pragmatically. 

“Well come along then, and I’ll show you to my humble abode,” Eames said gallantly, ushering Arthur out the door in front of him. 

***  
 **Three years later**

“Napoleon, Napoleon!” Arthur called their bird. 

“He’s probably just hiding somewhere, darling, I can’t imagine he flew out,” Eames said calmly. 

“He used to fly out all the time, remember, that’s how we met! He escaped and flew into my apartment.” Arthur said, worriedly. “Although he never really did that much once I moved in.” 

“Um, about that…” Eames said sheepishly. 

“About what?” Arthur asked, turning to look at Eames. 

“Napoleon didn’t so much escape as I would let him out to find attractive men for me to chat up,” Eames blurted out. 

“What?” Arthur asked, eyebrows raised. 

“I mean, it was a good way to meet people. He’d fly out, find a bloke, and then I’d come looking for him, thereby meeting said bloke.” 

“You jerk! I thought you were worried about him! You were so sweet when you found him, I thought you had been terrified you’d lost your bird! It was all a trick?” Arthur exclaimed. 

“No, it was just a way to engineer a meeting,” Eames protested. “And I stopped once I met you! No more using the bird to pick up.”

“I can’t believe you’re just telling me this now!” Arthur raised his arms in outrage.

“Honestly, I had forgotten that you didn’t know. Anyway, he doesn’t just fly out of the apartment randomly, so he’s probably just hiding or stuck behind a door someplace.” 

They walked through the house, opening closets and cabinets as Arthur continued to give Eames shit for using Napoleon to meet guys. But Eames suddenly remembered back to the day they’d actually met and something Arthur had previously mentioned. 

“Wait, I thought you said the whole reason your window was open that day was because you liked to hear my accent,” Eames said, pointing at Arthur. “J’accuse!” 

“And it was also like a million degrees outside,” Arthur said, blushing slightly. 

“I’m just saying, I’m not so sure you have the moral high ground here, darling.” Eames teased. 

“Well, I guess I’m pretty happy with how it all worked out,” Arthur leaned over and kissed Eames, “So I suppose I’ll forgive you.” 

“No!” Napoleon yelled. Although it was muffled, it was still quite loud. 

“I see how finding him would be fairly simple,” Arthur said as they freed their bird from the linen closet. 

“You naughty thing, why were you hiding in there?” Eames asked as Napoleon flew out and perched on his shoulder. 

“Fuck!” Napoleon responded.


End file.
